Me+Dessert=Content

Today...

Crap.

I think I had something to complain about earlier on but my quarterly grant payment came through today and...dinner...dessert (chocolate fudge sundae!)...so er yeah, I'm actually feeling pretty content (read: Sleepy) right about now.

Now that I think about it though...damn chocolate (fudge sundae!) messing with my head...aha! Now I remember...

I have this sort of discomfort/guilt thing playing around at the back of my mind. It's probably just one of those emotions my friends warn me about but its irritating all the same. I also believe that the reasons for it are twofold. Allow me to explain.

Firstly, I have the dessert (chocolate fudge sundae!) to thank, because I've been plagued by various messages of chocolate=bad recently (the jury's still out on the fudge, but I reckon I'm safe for now...).

Secondly, there is something I've decided to term, politely strange. I was coming back from the restaraunt (chocolate fudge sundae!), when I spotted an aquaintance crossing the street. I, being on the side they were crossong to, caught said aquaintance's eye and nodded in greeting. I then proceed to walk on, confident that the aquaintance (that's annoying word to type) would catch up. Of course when I decide to look back, the person is actually quite adistance behind me.

Now, here is where the issue starts. The polite part of me said to wait for aquaintance to catch up, to apologise for rushing ahead and to exchange small talk with said person on the walk back. The other part said to keep walking because a)I'd look like an idiot just standing at the side of the road waiting, and b) the conversation would just be awkward because I'm not great friends with said aquaintance anyway.

I kept walking.

So now I feel bad for not apologising and at the same time I know that calling now to apologise for not apologising earlier would seem even stranger. Like I said, I don't know the person all that well. So, yeah...I'm a mess with chocolate on the brain right now.

I'm also seething with well-hidden hatred for wireless signal-router technology.

Go figure.

Like a fox.

Conversations with the self.

Just a little something I ended up writing when I found myself doodling instead of making notes for One More Day. For those unaware doodling = drawing random useless crap.

Why are you staring at the page?

Seriously, you're just stalling now. One new page. One. And already you've gone through six doodles and a scribble, before christening that abomination "Lucha Bunny".

Why? And don't give me that writer's block crap! That excuse is too convenient. So come one, why are you still stalling? You have the characters, you have the bones of a plot, you have a conversation, so go for it! Write! And if you say "But I'm already writing" I'll kick your ass.

And yes, I know that by extension I would be kicking my own ass, but its the prinicple of the thing that matters. And don't look at me like I don't know what I'm saying!

Well?

Dear God, whay are you still here? Apart from being in class, dipstick! Christ you're useless. And quit doodling! Enlarging full stops counts as doodling... So does thickening letters.

Why are you not writing that story?

Why! Why? Why?! *sobs*

Shut up, it's out of my system now. Just start the damn conversation. No it doesn't need to be perfect, just start writing. And I don't care that you're fighting off sleep! Its your own fault for getting that soup in the first place.

Asshole.

...

p.s You're still drawing. Seriously, stop it. That sword only looks less impressive as you fill in colours.
-----------------------------

Getting that far inside my head is scary isn't it? Of course it is. Nod and smile and all that. And yes, I am of course aware that the internet, being an abstract entity with little physical substance is in itself unable to either nod or smile.

Needless to say I started that conversation, and am now wrestling with the above voice over filling in the next page. *sigh* The saga continues, I guess.

I wonder if I should take up dance classes. Not because I like dancing (I'm about as graceful as a lame ox spontaneously combusting, which, though it may appear graceful to certain breeds of pyromaniac, is not all that graceful), but because its an excuse to get out more often.

Fuck it.

Like a fox.

Moving on...

I was going to say something, but the title is pisssing me off for some reason. Maybe it's just a bad choice of words or something, I dunno, but I really couldn't be bothered changing it at this point.

So, back to things completed...

Finished the Berserkers, and added a Havoc squad. Debating whether or not to add a dreadnought or a defiler, or both. Also considering starting off a Tau army. For some reason I am intent on finding out what a dark angels green base coat, with red gore helmet, shoulder pads (and possibly forearms) with boltgun metal stripes would look like...

I think its a condition...

On a similar note, I've just gotten my hands on some random 3d modelling program for designing spacecraft and tanks. I reckon I'll apply it to the abomination to all things artwork posted earlier on... Then I'll start something else...

I have gotten back to writing up One More Day, but on the advice of one fanatically anti-MMO writer/game-designer, I'm trying to pin down an overarching plot before I get too far ahead of myself. I've also had difficulty deciding exactly what will happen next, though I do have at least three random scenes playing around in my head, one of which involves our intrepid heroes trying to infiltrate the enemy fortress wearing dresses. Yes dresses. And no, I don't know why this would occur to me, all I know is that they can't get squirrel costumes in a medieval setting.

I also half-finished a poem the other day, which marks the first such thing I've done in a few months, though the images inspired were pretty much the opposite of what I was aiming for. Still, a reaction is a reaction, right?

One more small note to pin to my calendar; convert three-four random pieces into background fluff for my army...

Also, while I know it may shock your world to the core, I may not have been the sole inventor of the phrase Armageddonistic. So I'll be coining random phrases over the next while until I get my own.

We might be remodelling the kitchen too...

Like a fox.

Honey, I'm home!

I think the title says it all. Back after the afore-mentioned week off. Ok, technically I was back yesterday, but internet and computers and blah-blah-blah, couldn't post.

Miss me? Yeah, I don't blame you for enjoying it while it lasted. "Silence is golden" after all. Maybe that explains why silence is so heavy...

Ha! That just came to me, and I'm almost positive someone else said it...
Anyone care to enlighten me?

Actually, what am I doing asking you questions? I mean it's not like you're going to answer them, right Internet? You're a good listener, but you suck at giving feedback, I swear...

On to whatever it was I felt like saying before I greeted you and subsequently forgot afterwards. Yeah that doesn't make sense to me either, but hey, who's writing this, me or you? I hate this...

I was trying to describe myself a moment ago and aside from being horribly indecisive (at least when it comes to buying things. Choosing is hard.), I'm also insufferably exuberant when talking to people I don't know. I think I could be bipolar, with a side-order of ADD thrown in for good measure. Maybe that's why I can't stick to one idea for too long. Hmmm.

You know, I actually wish I had someone to slap me on a regular basis. I'm sure several of my friends would oblige me if I asked them, but it just wouldn't be the same. Why do I want that you ask? Well, combine the indecisiveness mentin... Mentin?! Mentioned. The indecisiveness (is that even a word?)

While I'm on it; Armageddonistic. That's my phrase. I coined that. I hope...

Dammit...

The indecisiveness mentioned above. Take that, add a side order off ADD, some shyness, two tablespoons of paranoia, and marinade for a few minutes in front of a computer and you have....Writer's block. As Ryan Sohmer so colourfully put it:

"I have stared at the blank page of MS word too often in recent months, and it's still staring back, taunting me to fill it with entertaining and amusing words.

Suffice it to say, I've been locked in a battle with said page all evening, and as of right now, the empty page is winning."

I feel like a heel. No wait, that's not a good enough word... Cunt. Ass. Nope, still not good enough... Omnihate. Hmmm. I omnihate my inability to write what I want to write at this particular moment in time. Not bad, but it could use some pruning...

I've also just noticed my love affair with ... Seriously. Read it again. Notice what I'm referring to? Yep. Those three dots seem to dominate everything I do. Is it because every thought that runs through my head is incomplete? Or do I have this in-built need to fill some subconcious void in my life? Maybe its just another bad habit I need to break.

Another recent revelation (boy I'm on a roll): that little box right under the posting window marked "labels for this post". What the hell? I mean, I always just assumed the program scanned the post for certain trigger words and categorised it accordingly, but we have to do this ourselves? Damn.

There's actually a lot of things that I could do with that. Scratch that, there isn't, but a whole flood of things ran through my head a moment after noticing this, leaving me strangely drained. What bothers me most is that the first question that sprung to my head was: What would happen if I labelled this post "Child Porn". Does that make me a bad person? Have I spent too much time wondering what would happen if I spear-tackled the rent-a-santa at the shopping centre every christmas?

Who knows.

Like a fox.

Mid-Term

Yep, I'll be gone for a week. Will you miss me? Of course not, this is the internet. How can you miss someone that isn't even there? Still though, I have a list of things to do over the week, said economics project being one of them...

Also, I now have two batches of models to paint, so that should keep me busy for around 2-3 days...

And I still haven't typed that up yet...

Damn.

Like a Fox