Its hello! Aaaaaaaaannnnnnnndddddd farewell for a bit...or something...

Christ. Dear Christ, sweet Christ, bloody Jaysus Christ in heaven. Hmmmmm. Nope. Not good enough. I'm going to have to go for the big one here, which I'm not sure if I coined but my ego aside: Dear sweet blue unholy plastic Christ in heaven above!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

*sigh*

Come on, man, get it together. Get it together. No....no....nooooo. Do it. Now. I mean my God Sheila surely there is some semblance of a brain in that lopsided head of yours, which in turn could contain the slightest (slightest, mind you) modicum of memory. How bloody hard is it to remember to update a friggin blog once or, God forbid, twice a week?

All you do is work and surf the internet, dammit! Surely you can find some time in and around 2-2 1/2 hours of breaks you have at work or even when you lounge around bored at home to grab a pen (I'm a philistine that way, sue me. Seriously sue me. I'll sue you right back for infringement on my right to free speech. Boo yah! Take that internationally recognised law and netiqquette! I own all of you. All. Of. You. And then some.) and jot down a post?

You neglected the damn thing for at least a month! A month! And you're about to head off on a wonderful little four week trek punctuated by the odd night back home with minimal internet access. So. New task. Keep a friggin diary on this little jaunt and take pictures. Then post the updates here for the world to laugh at. As long as no-one is in DPM or behaving like an ass. Bloody defense force image policy.

*sigh*

This isn't working. I'd slap myself but then I'd look crazy. Normally I wouldn't care about looks but I don't want to give the world any more warning than I already have. Now where was I? Was I anywhere to begin with that I can, on reflection, go back there? And if I was, would I want to?

All very interesting questions to which I could not be arsed giving an answer at this point in time, I am that ticked off with myself right now, I really am. Of course its hard to stay really and truly mad at yourself when your terrier is curled up on the chair beside you making little sleepy noises with eyes closed and ears up. But that's another story. It is. Trust me.

Of course if I were you I wouldn't do that either.

Which is also another story.

...

This could take a while.

On one of many tangents i might take over the course of this post, when I open my yahoo mailbox, I expect to be greeted by some prompt telling me to clean out my spam folder. Having actual mail to read through, which more often than not is just some shopping catalogue or another piece of spam that slipped through, is a bonus. I don't expect to have rediculous news headlines popping out at me.

"Teenager hurt in 'tombstoning' jump"? The hell is tombstoning? and if it is what I think it is why in the living blue hell would anyone want to troll round the neighbourhood, get the gang together and then play leapfrog with tombstones? those cross things on top of them can be hard on the crotch.

Of course when I actually try this whole "not being an idiot" thing that everyone (no, I don't know who "everyone" is) talks about and actually read the article it makes a lot more sense. Climbing up a rock that looks like a tombstone, and then jumping off of it into the water. I can see how one would hurt one's spine doing that. I really can. Doesn't make you any less of an idiot though. That's what I think. Chances are that no matter how great it feels to clamber up onto that big, slippery rock in your swimsies and your protective booties, or if you are really with friends...your best party gear (you know who you are)...chances are there are better, possibly less dangerous ways to enjoy yourself. You're just too lazy to find them, aren't you? Yes you are. Yes, You, Are!

But enough about me, lets talk about me! Wait....that didn't sound right! Dammit now I've lost my train of thought. See?! You see what you do to me, internet? Huh?! See how you always gotta upset me?! Ruining my ability to focus on even a single bloody OOH! A COIN! It be shiney, and it be mine. I be either pathetic or me elevator do no be going to the top floor no more, or both methinks.

And now I can't remember what else I was going to say. Christ.

Modicum, catflap, cabbage, Banana hammock!

*sigh*

How do you type unintelligble gibberish? And don't say "but you just did", I'm trying to be half-way seri-ah who am I kidding? jdfhuaehfa ehfabfguaehfabeg uaegfuhaewuifh aiuewgaiuwe gbfoi auebfaebfuiaebfuiabefoi uaebfiuebwwbgiuobewgibweguibaweub fgaiuewbguawbegfuabe guabhewfbaewufbaewuibga iuwebgaubegaubegiuabguiawbgabg and I've never been so humiliated in all my life!

HA!

*sigh*

Deep breath.

Aaaaaaaaaannnnnnndddddddd.....

Finished splinter cell double agent.

Finished gears of war.

Finished Oblivion.

Reread the Great Hunt by Robert Jordan. The characters are really, really starting to piss me off. Swear to god. Rand is a mupet. Perrin is pathetic and so whipped it beggars belief. Mat is the only character who can still claim to have at least one testicle, but that's slowly being taken away from him. And I don't even want to get started on the women. I really don't. Must. Not. Give. In.

Phew! It was a close call back there for a minute.

Going to start reading George R R Martin's A Game of Thrones soonish, so feel free to comment with a whole bucketload of reasons why it either rocks or sucks, so I can pretend to give a crap.

Do it.

Doooooo iiiiiittttt.

Do it.

You know you want to.

-Like a Fox.

"We have grown, but there is still much to be done,
many live in darkness that must be shown the way
before the dawning of a new day."
Deus Ex - The Conspiracy - Helios Ending.