Back once again.

Somewhere, deep down, I think my life will be very, very disappointing. Don't get me wrong, I know life is always shorter than expected, but the idea that nothing in life will ever, for lack of a better explanation, blow me away, well, its just one more item on a long list of things that scare me. Someone recently told me that everything was a shade of mediocre in my eyes. Still, we live in hope, right?

Also, I saw the latter half of Fight Club the other night. I have now made it my mission to track down the dvd of that film, as well as the novel that inspired it. Why? Because I can, I guess. And also, I suppose it struck a chord somewhere a bit too close for comfort...

For now, I have two subtley different questions. First of all, we have a keyboard at home, (piano keyboard, not pc keyboard. Moron.) that was my little sister's but she seems to have fallen out of playing the same three songs over and over and fucking over and things are quiet now. I've always liked piano, so the idea of learning to play piano appeals to me in a sort of: "way too much effort, but hey why not?!" kind of way. First question. Should I bother?

Next issue. I have been invited to go to Salsa dancing classes with a friend and his girlfriend. Now, I know that they are only asking me because they couldn't find anyone else, and just wnat to rope in as many friends as possible so that they feel better about themselves. But as I said before, I have a mortal fear of doing anything strenuous in public, and I suck at memorising those kind of routines. It would be an excuse to socialise though, I'll admit that. Second question: Would this be worth my while?


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Here's a little extract from a letter I wrote a year or so back, which some of you might find interesting:
Anyway, remember the Saturday that The Godfather was on Network 2? It began with me looking forward to a good movie and ended up with me in this whole philosophicalesque mood, though once again I find it impossible to nail down what I was contemplating.

The original plan was to watch the movie, scoff some pocorn and generally enjoy the whole vibe thing that you have goin on when you sit down to watch a good film that you haven't seen in a while. What I didn't plan on was that they'd be showing Goodfellas at the same time on TV3 so I ended up flicking between both movies and just soaking in the two views of Italian gangster stuff, which resulted in me finding a film that I'd have avoided if I saw it in, say, the tv guide called The Last Days of Disco, which was about, wait for it, the antics of a group of young intellectuals at the end of the disco era.

Now I would have avoided it because at first glance it doesn't seem like the sort of thing that would interest me, but I caught it about quarter of the way through, this guy was just after telling his girlfriend that he thought he was gay and I kept watching to see if this would lead the film off in an interesting direction, it didn't, but by the time that I realised that the guy was just a womanising coke addict who used that line to win sympathy with women it was too late and I ended up watching the rest of it. Now for a while this didn't seem to have any real purpose but after a while it went full throttle into the whole relationship thing with the small group of people pairing off and running through oodles of intellectual discussions on films like Lady and The Tramp and the impact of Shakespearean lines.

According to them, Lady and the Tramp was a well crafted psychological tool aimed at young kids as, apart from the odd bit of barking at the start, the film isn't about dogs but the human mentalities that the dogs symbolise. Lady, the protagonist, is basically a blond airhead who falls for this shifty, junkyard hound named Tramp who spends most of his time chasing tail, while the one character who spouts honesty and loyalty is laughed at as old fashioned. What this means is that in around ten years, the human version of Tramp walks through the door and all these girls are falling over themselves for him while their parents wonder how they could like him at all. Another guy got angry at this because he felt that Tramp really changed his ways towards the end and the arguement just went on for a while. What's your view? Or did you see that film at all?

Later on in the film, the same guy that stuck up for Tramp asked his buddy if the line "To thine own self be true" was a good thing if thine own self was a womanising cocaine addict who is out for self preservation all the way. The friend just said that he preferred "Et tu Brute?" as there was really a higher loyalty in question when Brutus stabbed caesar in the back.
Now maybe its just the way that ideas come to me and the time of the night that all this was happening at but I ended up thinking about Linkin Park. Remember how you said that it was a really depressing song? I dunno if you heard the original yet but I'd gotten a copy of the reanimation version the same day and, having heard both, I'd have to say that the mix for the reanimation one reaches a lot deeper than the original, even if you don't analyse the lyrics too heavily.

Oh yeah before I forget, remember down on Bere island when I said that I was the guy watching all these people walking away towards a happy ending? I figured out why. I'm watching them cause I'm actually hiding in a ditch with a sniper rifle waiting for them to pass.

Your friend
Fitzy
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I am the all singing, all dancing crap of the world.

Like a fox.

Deep breath

Ok, so I have a sage exam at five today and I feel in no way, shape or form prepared. Dear Christ almighty I'm nervous right now. Still though, at least I have a free repeat.

Right?

Like a fox.

Thoughts

I've just realised that I'd be frightening if I had as few inhibitions as some of my friends...

I've also realised that I'm scared of showing people what I really think. To be honest, it ain't all that shocking.

That said, I officially hate Norway and Spain. Why? They refuse, refuse dammit, to put any information regarding political risk or new laws in a part of the internet that I can access.

*sigh*

And I'm beating myself up inside for not exercising like I should...

Seems I'm another statistic.

Like a fox.

Nazi Stuff

Sorry about the title but I have Family Guy on the brain right now. I might have been about to say something but a few things just leapt into my mind and I'd rather get them out while they're standing still. Deep breath.

First of all, I'm terrified of psychiatrists. I don't know why, but therapy and other related analysis would be an admission that something is wrong. And I refuse to surrender.

Secondly, I'm amazed at how much my main character has changed in my mind. He's gone from being a semi-serious soldier type to a back-stabbing (literally), occassionally murderous kleptomaniac, who enjoys the odd victory dance, as well as singing while wearing only a loin-cloth, and who forgets the preceding five hours whenever he has sex.

Go figure.

Other than that, my head is pretty blank right now. No idea what happened with that carnival thing. Easter came and went without saying hello. I got a project half-finished and a Sage exam is looming in the near future (read: Tuesday). I also bought a box-load of warhammer models I probably didn't need...

I guess the real reason I'm here is because I need to break the silence of the last two weeks. Exams are coming up, and I could be one here a bit more often. Who knows, right? Maybe I should start a sort of post secret thingie here where I post a random secret about myself at the start of each post. Could work well...

It could also be pure and utter bullshit.

Like a fox.

Technology, eh?

Despite how mind-bogglingly useful internet explorer 7 has proven to be at reducing workspace usage, I despise it. Why? Well it turns out that even though it is registered as an update to your current system, you have to uninstall the previous version before it actually works.

How do I know this? I installed it without uninstalling the other version of course. Which meant that I couldn't enter urls in the address bar without a "domain not recognised in active search terms" type error message coming up. After an hour or so of fucking around with the various disk clean-up, defragmentor and Norton scanning systems, noting that I could not restore the system to a previous point, I just uninstalled IE 7 and voila! It all works again. Of course I still can't login to the combine through my laptop for some reason, as I am constantly referred to the guest account login page, but I'm willing to overlook that for the minute.

I am also rapidly losing patience with bebo and its associated services. I am aware of course that the sheer number of members would make reviewing "Feature me" applications a daunting task, but when my brother gets approved before me, it just hits home how annoying the wait actually is. *sigh* Patience is only a virtue when you have time to indulge it, I guess.

Other than that, WF is back online, so thats another bonus, plus I fell for a pretty complex April Fools prank. Of course I still don't think my rediculous open-mindedness and gullibility are weaknesses. Why would I? Everyone knows that you have to tell bad guys the truth after all.

On an aside, I've more or less finished a random conversation that may show up at one point in One More Day, and have begun working on the next random section which involves skirts and infiltrating. I'm still a little annoyed that they can't have squirrel costumes in a medieval setting but I can live with it, I guess.

I'm also a little lost for a plot. I mean, I know where they're going now, and have a certain objective beyond that, but the whole, overarching connection thing is...is...escaping me. Maybe I should ask for advice somewhere...or something... What was I even talking about? Damn tv...ruining my attention plan. The hell is an attention plan? Span! I meant span!

*sigh*

Just another manic tuesday.

Like a fox.